Healing After Grief and Loss

A giant apology to those of you who showed up for yesterday’s Live Facebook talk (3 Simple Ways to Help You Move Through Grief) and weren’t able to watch it live. Due to technical difficulties, I had to stream the talk from my personal page. The video replay is now pinned to the top of my writer page, where it will stay for a bit. Click here to watch it.

And so I think we shouldn’t think we are superwomen and supermen. To hold down emotions in a controlled environment, as it were, is not wise. I would say go ahead and even maybe shout out your sadness and pain. This can bring you back to normal. It’s locking them up and pretending that they are not there that causes them to fester and become a wound. I’ve not read this in a book. It’s just how I’ve handled them.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu, The Book of Joy

As I spoke about in yesterday’s Live call on FB, we live in a culture that tries to rush us past grief and loss. As a result, we tend to stuff those feelings down, pretend they’re not there.

But that only works for so long. Because those feelings are still there, and they’re driving the bus, so to speak. Our subconscious ends up working overtime to keep those feelings buried, draining us of precious lifeblood and energy that we could be putting into other areas of our lives, such as our relationships or greater life purpose.

And many of us end up living with a low-grade fear because of it, cognizant that something isn’t quite right, but unsure what to do about it. Bit by bit, our lives start to shrink. We no longer see possibility when we look around us. Instead, we focus on getting through the day. Each day, maintaining.

After all, it takes a lot of energy to suppress those feelings. Energy we could be putting into our spouse, or our children. Energy we could be putting into painting, or hiking, or following our dreams of becoming a teacher.

Our inner light has dimmed. It no longer shines as it once did.

But here’s the thing: once we give ourselves the time, space and support to acknowledge those painful losses, we free up our resources as well as energy—which leads to us freeing up ourselves. We learn to accept the messy, imperfect beings that we are, and are able to start moving forward again.

That’s why grief work is so important. There are so many people out there who don’t realize that their unexamined grief is driving the bus. Who don’t realize that their buried emotions have robbed themselves of precious lifeblood and energy. Who don’t realize that they could do it any other way.

That’s why I’m so passionate about this work. It’s also why I created the Healing After Grief and Loss workshop. Because when we don’t acknowledge and move through our feelings, they just keep us stuck.

But once we’re willing to acknowledge our feelings and move through them, a whole new world of possibility starts to open up.

That was one of the biggest lessons I learned through my grief. I also learned that life is short, and I want my life to matter. I want to live more fully. I want to spend more time with my children, laugh more. I want to love–fearlessly. And I want to help people move through their grief and loss so that they, too, can get to the other side.

What is it you want?


Healing After Grief and Loss

If you’re ready to start moving through your grief and see what’s on the other side, I’d love to have you join us for my upcoming 5-week online workshop, Healing After Grief and Loss. The full course description is below.

No, this isn’t a new workshop—it just has a new name that more accurately reflects what we’re doing. The material is the same as the Reclaiming Yourself After Loss workshop: healing, supportive lessons and exercises in a private forum within a safe, supportive community. It just has a new name.

If this workshop doesn’t resonate with you, or you’re not ready yet for it, please honor that. You know what you need, as does your body. You’ll know when the time is right.

And for those who would like to join us, just a friendly reminder that the $30 early bird discount expires at midnight MST on Valentine’s Day, February 14th. (Just use Coupon Code EarlyBird when you register.) If you register by Valentine’s Day, I’ll also send you a free Kindle copy of my book, The Secret Life of Grief.

Why Valentine’s Day? Well, my father died the day before Valentine’s Day, and it’s always been a loaded holiday for me. On Monday, it will be 24 years since his death. This is my small way of honoring him, as well as everything his death has taught me.

So if you’d like to join us, hop on over here and register. You can also read more about the course here, or email me at tanja@tanjapajevic.com with any questions. (You can also hit “Reply” to this email.)

And if you’d like the direct registration link, here it is: https://app.ruzuku.com/courses/20065/about

Whatever you decide this Valentine’s Day, friend, please know I’m wishing you much love and support, as well as lots of joy.

As always,


Healing After Grief and LossHealing After Grief and Loss

Most of us are so busy and overwhelmed that we barely have time to acknowledge the losses from big changes in our life, whether that’s the death of a loved one, a move or divorce, the end of a job or friendship, or any other major life transition. But when we don’t acknowledge those losses, we get stuck. Buried, unacknowledged emotions eat up our energy and deplete us, clouding who we are and what we’re capable of. Worse, they tend to surface when we least expect it, often to disastrous results.

Don’t let your unacknowledged losses waylay you any longer. This year, give yourself the gift of time and space so that you can start moving forward again. Because once we’re able to come to terms with our story, we get to rewrite the ending.

Register here

During this guided, 5-week online course you’ll:

  • learn how to reconnect with your true self
  • unpack the story of your loss, and learn the wisdom it carries
  • learn what it really takes to forgive
  • revitalize your relationships
  • open up to possibility and
  • start moving forward again.

Course format:

  • 5-week online workshop in a private forum
  • Weekly webinars, guided exercises and discussions
  • Safe, supportive and confidential online community
  • Course begins Wednesday, February 22, 2017
  • Live webinars Wednesdays at noon MST (11 am PT; 2 pm ET)
  • Webinar dates: 2/22, 3/1, 3/8, 3/15, 3/22
  • Everything will be recorded. You don’t need to attend live to benefit.
  • $249 (Use Coupon Code EarlyBird to save $30 if you register by midnight MST 2/14)
  • Register by midnight MST 2/14 and receive a Kindle version of The Secret Life of Grief: A Memoir.

Sign up now

Note: This is not a course for acute grief, nor is it a stand-in for therapy. For help with intense grief, please consult a professional therapist.

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  1. You Are Loved | Reboot This Marriage - February 9, 2017

    […] and receive a free Kindle copy of my book, The Secret Life of Grief. Why Valentine’s Day? Click here to read […]

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